insecurities, and how to break up a footballer's wedding

It's 8:20 on a Friday night, and my most exciting boy encounter this week has been with a 21-month old. (Boy, I love the Lucas kisses!)

I am a very insecure person about relationships. If I call you or text you or something, and don't hear back from you relatively soon, I don't think 'oh, person x is busy, or whatever.' My first thought is usually along the lines of 'what did I do wrong', 'are you upset with me', 'are you ignoring me for a reason', 'you no longer like me', etc., etc.

It's very hard for me to break out of that thought pattern. I don't want to be insecure about my relationships with other people. However, I don't do this with everybody. With some, if I don't hear back from them soon, I'm totally fine with it. I have some friends who this has become the norm....because of wacky work schedules, time zone differences, etc., there are times where a single conversation will stretch over days or weeks, with the exchange of text messages being very sporadic. With others, however, I love to talk to them on a regular, if not daily, basis, and when it doesn't happen, I start to worry about where I stand. I can't help it.

Confidence is something easily faked, but harder to actually come by. One thing that I have learned in life is that people always disappoint you, and they always leave you at some point. It's probably why I have such a hard time really getting close to someone. Everytime I open up and get close to someone, they end up hurting me and leaving. So, hence the insecurity at times.

In a totally unrelated side note: I must express my anger at Fox Soccer Channel. The biggest game of the season is tomorrow morning, and they are not showing the game!! It's the unofficial championship for the league title between Chelsea and Man Utd.

Related player news: Prayers go out to Frank Lampard, who's mother passed away Thursdsay and most likely will not be playing on Saturday. Also....my Joe Cole is engaged....but the wedding isn't happening until summer of 2009....so I need ideas on how to get him to notice me and want to marry me instead. I have just over a year to figure this one out! I'd prefer he notice me without a restraining order being involved, by the way.