Friday, July 25, 2008

the last lecture

Randy Pausch, a professor at Carnagie Mellon University, passed away this morning from pancreatic cancer. He's well known for an amazing speech he gave at the college, and has given other places, known as the Last Lecture. It's phenomenal. Check it out. (Warning: it's about an hour and a half long).

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Friday, July 18, 2008

my match

For my birthday last week, I received a subscription to, the dating website. Unlike e-harmony or any of those others, lets you put in what you are looking for, and then searches exactly within your parameters for matches. You can show interest by "winking" at a person, or just send them an email through their in-house message system (so personal information is not revealed).

I have been signed up for about 10 days now. Here are some things I have observed so far in my brief foray into the world of online dating:

1. Creepy, desperate, unattractive guys will descend on a new person like a duck on a June bug. In the few short days I have been on, I have been "winked" at by 30 different guys. Of the 30, I have already hit the "no thanks, not interested" button on all 30 of them. If Darwin was on, he'd have a field day with some of these people. It's really that scary.

2. What frustrates me the most is that they don't even seem to read the profile. I list that I am looking for someone is a specific age range, then get "winks" from guys who are definitely not in that age range. (Does the 52-year-old guy think..'well, she put a range that I am way too old for, and I'm scary looking, but maybe she'll overlook all that'?) Or they live in NYC. Or they don't fit another one of my parameters that are rather important to me, such as size, religion, etc.

3. I received an email the other day from someone. The misspellings in this were astronomical. To me, it's simple. You are trying to impress me. Why send an email full of misspelled words? One of my biggest pet peeves in life to begin with is people that can't spell. Sending me an email full of misspelled words is the quickest way for me to hit the "reject" button. (Charissa Holland, I expect you to back me up on this one!)

The most frustrating/perplexing/odd/fascinating thing about this whole experience so far is that when I joined, it was at the prompting of a friend, who urged me to do it to get my mind off of a stupid boy that had broke my heart. But, when I hit the "my matches" button, guess who was number five on the list? The boy. I didn't even know he had a profile on there. But there he was....and the computer matched us up. (See...Billy Idol even gets it...why can't he?)

So what does this all mean? I'm not quite sure yet. I guess we'll see what happens...... be continued.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

for no one

I hate* you.

I hate that you can make me feel this way.

I hate that you preoccupy my thoughts.

I hate that you either don't see or don't care how you affect me.

I hate that you act one way and later say something completely different.

I hate* you.

(*or is it love?)

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

turning 32

My birthday is in 12 days. I'm going to be 32. For several reasons, this year I am not looking forward to it. Normally, I like birthdays. Not this year.

When I turned 30, I thought it was going to be hard, and it was a bit. But, I had a big "kid" party out at the park and invited all my kids, so it was good fun.

When I turned 31, I didn't even care. I left for Ireland the next day, and was so focused on the trip stuff that I didn't even have time to worry about turning 31.

But now, I'm 32. Nothing exciting is happening this year. I'm well established in my 30s now. But, what do I have to show for it? I graduated from college 10 years ago, and watched friends get married, have kids, etc., while I stayed single, with no hopes for getting married soon. Now, 10 years later....still watching friends get married, have kids, etc., and I'm still single with no hopes for getting married soon. While the idea of that didn't bother me when I was 22, at 32, it's much harder to handle. All I have found in the last 10 years is heartbreak and headaches, and the realization that everyone leaves me at some point because there's always someone that's "-er", i.e. smarter, prettier, taller, thinner, funnier, stronger, weaker, etc.

And quite frankly, I'm getting tired of it all. I'm tired of waiting for "life to begin". I'm tired of watching all of my friends do things that I long to do and haven't yet. I want to get married, have kids, have an "adult" life...not this one.

I am not looking forward to being 32. Who knew 32 would be the hardest one so far?