The other day, I ran across a blog written by a 30-something woman in Toronto, Canada. She has several blogs; one on life in general, others more pointed in their subject matter. One that I began to read with great interest was titled “The 30-year-old Virgin”. Apparently, this woman was in her early 30s and had made a decision not to have sex until marriage. She has several posts that make you think about things. For the next few blogs, I think I’m going to expand on some of her posts with my own thoughts.
You can read the entire post here: http://monstersarcasmrally.typepad.com/30yearoldvirgin/2005/10/rambling_on_a_s.html
Here’s an excerpt:
The Church has this way of dealing with sexuality that produces masses of incredibly messed up people.
I can't speak to what it's like for men, but for women... Ha! As far as unmarried women are concerned, sex does not exist. It is not discussed.
We're supposed to be entirely ignorant of both sex and sexuality. Once a woman gets married, she's supposed to flip a switch inside her head or something. Suddenly, sex is normal and healthy. She's supposed to develop a sex drive overnight. Not to mention a healthy attitude towards sex and about sex and an understanding of how it all works.
The Church's attitude seems to be one of ignore-it-and-it-will-go-away.
I don't believe in premarital sex. But that doesn't mean I'm not a sexual person.
When I was 15, I didn't even know what a sex drive was.
When I was 20, I thought it was easy. Wait 'til marriage? Sure. No worries. And if I don't get married? Bah, it's fine. I can deal with it.
At 25, I was getting a bit concerned. Not so much about the sex part, although I was beginning to understand that I did have a sex drive, but about the lonely factor. I began to understand that I didn't really want to be alone forever.
Now I'm 32. The hormones have kicked in. My beliefs haven't changed, but I have. It's become obvious that nobody's going to marry me. And I'm frustrated. Have I mentioned that? I'm I-might-gnaw-my-own-arm-off-soon frustrated.
I love her timeline here. As someone who is approaching 32, I can completely relate to and agree to what she is saying here.
Sometimes it seems like I am never going to get married. So what does that mean? Do I give up my beliefs so I can have an experience that 99.5% of people experience before they die, or do I stick to my beliefs and potentially never have that experience?
I agree with her assessment of life at 32: Now I'm 32. The hormones have kicked in. My beliefs haven't changed, but I have. It's become obvious that nobody's going to marry me. And I'm frustrated. Have I mentioned that? I'm I-might-gnaw-my-own-arm-off-soon frustrated.
I am feeling the same frustration. Is it ever going to get better? I don’t know. But I hope so. I am really close to the gnawing-off-my-own-arm thing too.
In the bigger picture, however, I really like her assessment of the church. I remember having the “true love waits” talks while in high school, but after that, it is rarely talked about. And when it is, it is always in the context that is meant for married couples.
I like my church. But, it really lacks much for those that are single and post-college. Sure, the young adult group is there, but seriously, I’m 31. Most of the kids in the “young adult group” are kids that I have had as campers or youth group members at some point, and it’s weird being in a group with people you had as middler campers when they were 8. But, there isn’t really anything else. Outside of my circle of friends there, everyone my age is married, and most of them have kids. So, finding a group within my church is hard to do.
Once, I had someone who tried to lump me into her “older and never been married” group, and I almost hit her right there in a restaurant. This lady was about 47 years old. I pointed out to her that I was only 31, which in this day and age is still an age where, while I am feeling like it’s never going to happen, logically I know that I am still at an age where women get married all the time. At 47, this woman is not. I am still young enough to get married, have kids, all that fun stuff. This woman is technically old enough to be my mother. And it really irritated me that she tried to lump me into her group. I like to hope that I am not there yet, that there’s still hope for me.
Is there any hope for me? Or am I destined to be a 47-year-old, never been married, spinster virgin?