State the obvious, I didn't get my perfect fantasy
I realize you love yourself more than you could ever love me
So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy
That's fine; I'll tell mine you're gay
And by the way...
I hate that stupid old pickup truck
You never let me drive
You're a redneck heartbreak
Who's really bad at lying
So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
As far as I'm concerned you're
Just another picture to burn
- Taylor Swift
I'm goin' home, gonna load my shotgun
Wait by the door and light a cigarette
If he wants a fight well now he's got one
And he ain't seen me crazy yet
He slapped my face and he shook me like a rag doll
Don't that sound like a real man
I'm going to show him what a little girls made of
Gunpowder and lead
- Miranda Lambert
Friday, May 23, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
dodging bullets
So...Saturday night. I was driving home from the camp at about 11:30 p.m. on Chatham Road, near Amber Jacks, when someone shot at me. I have a bullet hole in the windshield of my car. Luckily, it hit the passenger side, so I wasn’t hurt. Scared the hell out of me, though. Anyway, I pulled over and called 911 immediately. Cops came and filled out a report, searched the area (of course they didn’t find anyone), and then let me go home. So, now just freaked out, and waiting to see if the cops find anyone, which in all likely-hood, they will not.
I took a quiz online a few years ago that told me that I have a high likelyhood of being murdered in my lifetime, for a number of factors. One, I have long hair, which is easy for someone to grab. But the biggest one is that I am a journalist, and therefore can supposedly have access to confidential or sensitive information. I can see that, if I was working on Watergate or something. But I do agriculture and arts/entertaiment. I highly doubt my last story on Arlo Guthrie is going to get me murdered. It might, but I'm doubtful.
So, right now I'm just trying to get my nerves calmed back down, and not be scared to drive down Chatham Road (which is where I also had my car accident in January).
And, I get to come up with $100 to get my windshield replaced...although, the bullet hole is pretty wicked looking, so maybe I'll just keep it for a while. Add those fake bullet hole stickers to the rest of the car and make a new game: "Find the Real Bullet Hole!"
I took a quiz online a few years ago that told me that I have a high likelyhood of being murdered in my lifetime, for a number of factors. One, I have long hair, which is easy for someone to grab. But the biggest one is that I am a journalist, and therefore can supposedly have access to confidential or sensitive information. I can see that, if I was working on Watergate or something. But I do agriculture and arts/entertaiment. I highly doubt my last story on Arlo Guthrie is going to get me murdered. It might, but I'm doubtful.
So, right now I'm just trying to get my nerves calmed back down, and not be scared to drive down Chatham Road (which is where I also had my car accident in January).
And, I get to come up with $100 to get my windshield replaced...although, the bullet hole is pretty wicked looking, so maybe I'll just keep it for a while. Add those fake bullet hole stickers to the rest of the car and make a new game: "Find the Real Bullet Hole!"
Thursday, May 15, 2008
let's get physical
The other day, I had a conversation with a friend about the physical aspects of relationships. The physical aspect of relationships has always been something that’s been a little hard for me to deal with. (For those who know me well, know why. I’m not going to go into it all here.)
Showing affection in a physical way is a tricky thing. I have some friends that I can show affection to openly and without any reservations. And of course, there are the kids. As a preschool teacher, showing love and affection for the kids in my class was practically a job requirement. Showing affection to my kids is easy and natural. There’s nothing better than the bear hugs from Clayton or Punky kisses to make the day better.
Adults are different, especially if it’s a member of the opposite sex. I’m not one to initiate things. I am constantly tense if I am around someone that I would like to show affection to, but can’t. Showing affection can be a tricky thing. There’s always the fear of misreading intentions and signals, or outright rejection. For me, it’s always better if the other person initiates things. Then I will know that it’s safe to show affection back.
They say the human touch is a necessity of life, just as much as breathing, eating and sleeping. Studies have shown that monkeys that are deprived of touch and affection die. If I can’t breathe, I go outside to get more air; if I’m hungry, I eat something; if I am tired, I sleep. Why, then, is it so hard to give and receive the affection that I need to survive?
So let me know if you want me to show you some affection. As GI Joe says: “And knowing is half the battle.”
Showing affection in a physical way is a tricky thing. I have some friends that I can show affection to openly and without any reservations. And of course, there are the kids. As a preschool teacher, showing love and affection for the kids in my class was practically a job requirement. Showing affection to my kids is easy and natural. There’s nothing better than the bear hugs from Clayton or Punky kisses to make the day better.
Adults are different, especially if it’s a member of the opposite sex. I’m not one to initiate things. I am constantly tense if I am around someone that I would like to show affection to, but can’t. Showing affection can be a tricky thing. There’s always the fear of misreading intentions and signals, or outright rejection. For me, it’s always better if the other person initiates things. Then I will know that it’s safe to show affection back.
They say the human touch is a necessity of life, just as much as breathing, eating and sleeping. Studies have shown that monkeys that are deprived of touch and affection die. If I can’t breathe, I go outside to get more air; if I’m hungry, I eat something; if I am tired, I sleep. Why, then, is it so hard to give and receive the affection that I need to survive?
So let me know if you want me to show you some affection. As GI Joe says: “And knowing is half the battle.”
Monday, May 12, 2008
hate, love, apathy and One Tree Hill
Tonight I was watching the newest episode of One Tree Hill. For those that don't watch the show, it centers around two half-brothers, Nathan and Lucas Scott, who grew up not knowing each other at all, and then was put on the same basketball team together. They hated each other at first, but as time went on, realized their bond as brothers was a good thing, and became the best of friends.
At the end of last season, the group graduated high school. Lucas declared his love for Peyton, whom he's had an on-again, off-again romance with. This season was different. It fast forwarded five years (the real age of the actors), and shows them dealing with their lives after high school, college, etc., and how they have all changed and grown up. One episode flashes back to when Lucas proposed to Peyton, but she turned him down, not because she didn't love him, but because she wasn't ready to get married. Fast forward to the present. Peyton is back in town, still in love with Lucas, when she finds out he has moved on and is dating a girl named Lindsey. Lucas asks Lindsey to marry him, and when Lindsey realizes (during the wedding) that Lucas still loves Peyton, she leaves him at the altar.
In tonight's episode, Lindsay calls Lucas to tell him that she's dating someone else. He gets really drunk at a bar, and Peyton finds him, half-passed out. She takes him home, and as she's getting ready to leave, he wakes up, looks at her and says "I wish you'd never come back here. I hate you. You have ruined my life."(And then goes back to sleep.)
They say that hate is one of the strongest words out there. We are taught to say that we "dislike" someone, or use some other word such as that. Hate has so many connotations to it; there's nothing more harsh than telling someone you hate them.
How many times have you wished that you could say that to someone? What is harder for me isn't the use of the word "hate", but the honesty and vulnerability that it takes to tell someone to their face that you hate them and that they've ruined your life.(Outside of screaming it at your parents when you are 14 and mad because they won't let you pierce a body part).
Most people believe that the opposite of hate is love. Love is an even harder word to say to someone; at least it is for me, unless the object of my love is someone under the age of 8. I have always had a hard time saying it, and an even harder time showing it. To have the nerve to tell someone that you love them is an incredible show of strength and vulnerability all at the same time. I wish I will have that nerve someday to tell him how much I love him.
Most people believe the opposite of hate is love; it's not. The opposite of hate is apathy. Apathy is much more hurtful, much more painful than hate. Hate means that you think about them enough to have an emotion; apathy means you don't care enough to even hate them. And that's the one that hurts the most for me. I can take hate, I would be happy to take love; but to think that someone doesn't care at all is incredibly painful.
So please, let me know you care...and dare I hope, love me?
At the end of last season, the group graduated high school. Lucas declared his love for Peyton, whom he's had an on-again, off-again romance with. This season was different. It fast forwarded five years (the real age of the actors), and shows them dealing with their lives after high school, college, etc., and how they have all changed and grown up. One episode flashes back to when Lucas proposed to Peyton, but she turned him down, not because she didn't love him, but because she wasn't ready to get married. Fast forward to the present. Peyton is back in town, still in love with Lucas, when she finds out he has moved on and is dating a girl named Lindsey. Lucas asks Lindsey to marry him, and when Lindsey realizes (during the wedding) that Lucas still loves Peyton, she leaves him at the altar.
In tonight's episode, Lindsay calls Lucas to tell him that she's dating someone else. He gets really drunk at a bar, and Peyton finds him, half-passed out. She takes him home, and as she's getting ready to leave, he wakes up, looks at her and says "I wish you'd never come back here. I hate you. You have ruined my life."(And then goes back to sleep.)
They say that hate is one of the strongest words out there. We are taught to say that we "dislike" someone, or use some other word such as that. Hate has so many connotations to it; there's nothing more harsh than telling someone you hate them.
How many times have you wished that you could say that to someone? What is harder for me isn't the use of the word "hate", but the honesty and vulnerability that it takes to tell someone to their face that you hate them and that they've ruined your life.(Outside of screaming it at your parents when you are 14 and mad because they won't let you pierce a body part).
Most people believe that the opposite of hate is love. Love is an even harder word to say to someone; at least it is for me, unless the object of my love is someone under the age of 8. I have always had a hard time saying it, and an even harder time showing it. To have the nerve to tell someone that you love them is an incredible show of strength and vulnerability all at the same time. I wish I will have that nerve someday to tell him how much I love him.
Most people believe the opposite of hate is love; it's not. The opposite of hate is apathy. Apathy is much more hurtful, much more painful than hate. Hate means that you think about them enough to have an emotion; apathy means you don't care enough to even hate them. And that's the one that hurts the most for me. I can take hate, I would be happy to take love; but to think that someone doesn't care at all is incredibly painful.
So please, let me know you care...and dare I hope, love me?
Thursday, May 1, 2008
random survey
1. Would you kill your neighbor? I have a new neighbor that just moved in...so there's no emotional attachment there. But, it's better to hire out. I've watched enough CSI!
2. Whats one word that describes your last fight? draining
3. What were you doing ten minutes ago? working on next week's bulletins
4. What's the last movie you saw? Expelled: No Intellegence Allowed! It was fantastic!
5. What did your last text message say? Incoming: I'm watching North Country right now, it's about female miners in the early 90s. The hair and clothes make it awesome! ---Outgoing: So, I have a very serious question: Do you have an AmEx card and do you love me enough to let me borrow it on Monday?
6. Who have you talked to most today? Outside of work...Todd Goebel, Philip - way too early this morning.
7. Do you carve pumpkins every year? I love to carve pumpkins! And then roast the seeds...yummy!!
8. Color of your shirt? pink and white stripes
9. Who's on speed dial 2? Bob Norman, I believe
10. How are you feeling right now? tired...but happy! It's the weekend!
11. How many times have you moved? once, unless you count the temporary 3-month stay in town when our house burnt down when I was 5.
12. What is the last thing you touched? Other than the keyboard? My phone.
13. Have you ever been called a punk? No...but I love my Punky!!
14. Was yesterday better than today? Today has been the best day!!!
15. What is your ring tone? Depends on who calls. It's different for different people.
16. Do you have a favorite number? 4 (If you went to A-C Central in the early 90s, you know why!)
17. Do you hate anyone/anything? I hate incompetence. Oh, and being inside when it's 80 degrees out like it is right now!
18. Does your best friend have a myspace? sure
19. If you could meet anyone who would it be? Currently alive - my future husband! Dead -
20. Last time you went out to lunch? Sunday
21. Do you have any music you're ashamed of? Nope...I'll readily admit to all of it, including the New Kids on the Block and the Hannah Montana!
22. Have you ever gotten into a physical fight with a member of the opposite sex? nope. I'm 5-1 and weigh just over 100 pounds. Do you really think that would end well for me?
23. How old will you be in 2 years ? 34
24. Do you think you'll be married by then? Sure hope so!
25. Do you have one or more Britney Spears CD's? never. She's retarded.
26. What did you do last night? Worked on camp stuff.
27. Are you a Lost fanatic? never watched it.
28. Do you have a song by Ozzy Osbourne in your library? Several!
29. Do you ever sing in the shower? Always
30. Whats your favorite movie? Gone with the Wind, Pride and Prejudice (BBC version), Bridget Jones, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, anything from the 80s.
31. Do people ever spell your name wrong? Always
32. Do you believe everyone has a soulmate? yes.
33. Can you sing? according to some, yes.
34. When was the last time you cried? CMA awards.
35. Are you ever a freak about cleanliness or organization? cleanliness, not really; organization, yes.
36. Have you ever been to South America or Africa? no
37. Do you know how to knit? no
38. Do you have a job? yes
39. Is there anything currently bothering you? tons of stuff
40. What are you doing right now besides this survey? at work
41. Do you know how to play poker? yes....but my rules are different than the real ones. Dad used to make up his own rules when we played when I was a kid.
42. Baskin Robins or Coldstone? ben and jerry's
43. Physics or chemistry? chemistry
44. Facebook or Myspace? facebook!
45. Do you wear any jewelry? when I remember it.
46. When do you prefer to take a shower, morning or night? morning
47. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, or Star Wars? Star Wars!!! I hate Harry Potter.
48. Fly or road trip? road trip. flying scares me!
49. Batman, Spiderman, or Superman? Superman all the way!! I love Superman!!!
50. What's your favorite Disney movie? cartoon - beauty and the beast, pocahantas. live action - three musketeers
51. What are your plans for tonight? work on camp. play outside.
2. Whats one word that describes your last fight? draining
3. What were you doing ten minutes ago? working on next week's bulletins
4. What's the last movie you saw? Expelled: No Intellegence Allowed! It was fantastic!
5. What did your last text message say? Incoming: I'm watching North Country right now, it's about female miners in the early 90s. The hair and clothes make it awesome! ---Outgoing: So, I have a very serious question: Do you have an AmEx card and do you love me enough to let me borrow it on Monday?
6. Who have you talked to most today? Outside of work...Todd Goebel, Philip - way too early this morning.
7. Do you carve pumpkins every year? I love to carve pumpkins! And then roast the seeds...yummy!!
8. Color of your shirt? pink and white stripes
9. Who's on speed dial 2? Bob Norman, I believe
10. How are you feeling right now? tired...but happy! It's the weekend!
11. How many times have you moved? once, unless you count the temporary 3-month stay in town when our house burnt down when I was 5.
12. What is the last thing you touched? Other than the keyboard? My phone.
13. Have you ever been called a punk? No...but I love my Punky!!
14. Was yesterday better than today? Today has been the best day!!!
15. What is your ring tone? Depends on who calls. It's different for different people.
16. Do you have a favorite number? 4 (If you went to A-C Central in the early 90s, you know why!)
17. Do you hate anyone/anything? I hate incompetence. Oh, and being inside when it's 80 degrees out like it is right now!
18. Does your best friend have a myspace? sure
19. If you could meet anyone who would it be? Currently alive - my future husband! Dead -
20. Last time you went out to lunch? Sunday
21. Do you have any music you're ashamed of? Nope...I'll readily admit to all of it, including the New Kids on the Block and the Hannah Montana!
22. Have you ever gotten into a physical fight with a member of the opposite sex? nope. I'm 5-1 and weigh just over 100 pounds. Do you really think that would end well for me?
23. How old will you be in 2 years ? 34
24. Do you think you'll be married by then? Sure hope so!
25. Do you have one or more Britney Spears CD's? never. She's retarded.
26. What did you do last night? Worked on camp stuff.
27. Are you a Lost fanatic? never watched it.
28. Do you have a song by Ozzy Osbourne in your library? Several!
29. Do you ever sing in the shower? Always
30. Whats your favorite movie? Gone with the Wind, Pride and Prejudice (BBC version), Bridget Jones, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, anything from the 80s.
31. Do people ever spell your name wrong? Always
32. Do you believe everyone has a soulmate? yes.
33. Can you sing? according to some, yes.
34. When was the last time you cried? CMA awards.
35. Are you ever a freak about cleanliness or organization? cleanliness, not really; organization, yes.
36. Have you ever been to South America or Africa? no
37. Do you know how to knit? no
38. Do you have a job? yes
39. Is there anything currently bothering you? tons of stuff
40. What are you doing right now besides this survey? at work
41. Do you know how to play poker? yes....but my rules are different than the real ones. Dad used to make up his own rules when we played when I was a kid.
42. Baskin Robins or Coldstone? ben and jerry's
43. Physics or chemistry? chemistry
44. Facebook or Myspace? facebook!
45. Do you wear any jewelry? when I remember it.
46. When do you prefer to take a shower, morning or night? morning
47. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, or Star Wars? Star Wars!!! I hate Harry Potter.
48. Fly or road trip? road trip. flying scares me!
49. Batman, Spiderman, or Superman? Superman all the way!! I love Superman!!!
50. What's your favorite Disney movie? cartoon - beauty and the beast, pocahantas. live action - three musketeers
51. What are your plans for tonight? work on camp. play outside.
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