Thursday, January 31, 2008

Another Survey

Found this survey online….something to do while it’s a blizzard outside!!

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someone's eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someone's eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
Probably looking into someone eyes when I am telling them how I feel. I am always too chicken to see the reaction. Probably why I don’t tell people my feelings often.

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. Why were you angry?
I don’t remember the last time I was really angry. I am usually hurt, or frustrated, or annoyed, but not truly angry often.

3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You get enough time to make ONE phone call. Who would you call?
My dad. My sister and I usually call him with any news, and let him tell my mom. It’s better that way, trust me.

4. You are at the doctor's office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. (1) Who do you tell? (2) What do you do with your remaining days? (3) Would you be afraid? 
1) everyone…..that’s not something you should hide.
2) spend as much time with the kids, friends and such…..I really don’t have those “I want to sky-dive or bungee jump” desires. And I’ve done pretty much everything I’ve wanted to, such as go to Ireland.
3) scared to die, but not of death…death means heaven…and why be scared of that?

5. You can have one of the following two things- trust/love. Which do you choose?
Trust. I have real problems with trusting people. I’m used to living without love.

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. Do you save the dog?
Nope…not because I don’t care about the dog, but I can’t swim…..I would be of no help there.
7. You have done something impulsive that could possibly cost you the love of someone very close to you. Which is the greater loss - losing them by being honest or losing them behind a lie?
Losing them by being honest. Many people lie and get away with it. If someone is honest with you, regardless of what it is, you should at least reward them for the honesty. It’s a rare thing these days.

8. If you could go back and be with your first love, would you?
Haven’t really had that “first love” yet!

9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Do you do it?
Definitely….the last person I know that died was my friend Bob’s dad. He died suddenly. I would give a decade to let Bob have another hour with his dad.
10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
I hope so!

11. You are out on the town and see your married best friend's spouse locking lips with someone other than your best friend. Would you approach them? Would you tell your friend? What would you say to each?
I’m a reporter…there’s no way I could keep something like that to myself! I’d take a picture first though….as we say in the journalism world, if your mom says she loves you, make sure you have another source to corroborate it!

12. Your boss tells your co-worker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your co-worker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company?
Probably not. I have been the newest employee let go because of budget reasons. I have bills to pay too.

13. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you feel?
I don’t really remember. It’s hard for me to tell people how I really feel….it never turns out like I hope and I always get hurt in the end. Maybe if I had some kind of sign that I wouldn’t get hurt this time……

14. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or tell them you hate them?
Telling someone that I love them. I can tell my kids I love them anytime…but for adults, it’s harder. The kids always love me back unconditionally. Not always the case with adults.

15. What do you think would be/is the hardest thing for you to give up?
The kids.

16. When was the last time you told someone you love them?
I tell the kids all the time. Adults….hmm…..friends….most of the time. “more than friends”……haven’t yet. Still trying to get the nerve to let someone know that I like them. Like..not love. Not ready to use that word yet.

17. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?
My hair during high school. Yes, it was during the time of the big bangs and lots of curls of the early 90s.

18. Imagine, It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside. What are you doing?
Writing. Read my latest poetic endeavor…that was written on a dark, rainy night. Or, watching tv or a movie. I like film.

19. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?
I’d like to think I would.

20. If you could do anything OR wish anything, what would it be?
Same thing I do every night. Try to take over the world – Pinky.

A Godly Woman

This past weekend, there was a story in the State Journal-Register's religion section on a new book, co-authored by a woman from Peoria. You can read the full article here; the gist of the book, however, is about housewives that are "Desperate for God". The authors are trying to dispell the image of housewives put forth by shows such as Desperate Housewives; rather, they are promoting the image of a biblical woman and what she should look like instead.

Not surprising to me, the women that co-authored this book are both stay-at-home moms. They have at least 8 children apiece, all of which are home-schooled. However, they go so far as to say that women, especially single women, should stay in the home. Single women should pretty much live at home with their parents until they are married, and they shouldn’t be working outside of the house.

Also not surprising, they used many of the Scripture references that are often used in instances like this; ones that say that women are supposed to be submissive to their husbands, the husband is the head of the household, etc.

I get so tired of the idea that women are supposed to be at home, taking care of the husband and children, and that’s their only roles in life. I feel sorry for those women who have no identity of their own outside of being a wife and mother. When working at the daycare, it was clear which moms had their own identities and which moms had lost themselves. The simple litmus test was when the parents buzzed in to the center. Some parents, like my friend Julie, would simply say “It’s Julie” when we answered the door. Others would always respond “It’s Foster’s mom”. That right there was a clear indication on how they saw themselves.

When I get married, and yes, that’s a when – I’m in an optimistic mood tonight, I do want to be a good, Godly wife. However, I don’t believe that that means blindly submitting to my husband. That verse was written in a different time period, when women were treated like property, not wives. I also believe that it has been twisted over the years, giving men who were abusive a “biblical” reason to be so.

I don’t see why I can’t be a good, Godly wife who works as well. Why does it have to be so black and white? I know many women who work outside of the home, and I don’t think that they are bad parents or wives because of it. Just the opposite, in fact; it makes them better.

I always say that my ideal job is to be a “housewife”. But not like the women that authored the book. I would love to be a housewife in the vein of Emily Gilmore, of the TV show The Gilmore Girls. She graduated from college with a degree, then got married and became a housewife instead. However, her days are fuller than any “working” person out there. She is constantly giving of her time and money, volunteering in many charitable organizations and chairing fundraising drives galore. If I were to get married to someone who made it possible for me not to have to work, where I could just use my time and talents to work for God’s kingdom, how much more would I be able to do?? I am constantly wishing that I had more time for things. Camp takes up much of my time as it is, but I would love to be able to do more at the camp than I already do. The fundraising events I could work on, the charitable organizations I could support with my time and talents, the work of the church, inside the local church walls and outside, that I could support… think of being able to work because I wanted to, not because I needed to for a paycheck!!!

As a single woman right now, however, I am horrified at the idea that I should be sitting at home, basically waiting to start my life until I get married. Why should I not work, buy a house, go on vacation, and basically live my life, just because I am not married?? That’s ridiculous!!! Living on my own hasn’t made me a more ungodly woman. I also ask the question: What if I am never married? What if that’s the path that God has intended for me? Am I supposed to live at home until my parents die? Then what?? Move in with other family?

Any other thoughts on this??

Monday, January 28, 2008

Survey says.......

1. If you could push one person off a mountain, who would it be?
I only get to pick one?

2. Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
Ralph Lauren

3. Do you still have clothes that belong to your ex?

4. Do you get attached to people easily?

5. Have you ever been to California?

6. Do you go to church?
I work in one.

7. Do you like roller coasters?
Scared to death of them. I rode the Screaming Eagle once and cried the whole time.

8. What's your favorite TV show?
Friends. Coupling. The Office (the original British version).

9. Where were you 2 days ago?
BRU, St. John's Emergency Room (for head), St. John's Lutheran Church (work), Perkins

10. Have you ever seen the GOONIES?
A bazillion times. If you haven't seen it, you're not American!

11. How many bones have you broken?
2 - wrist and toe.

12. Do you have any pets?
not any doggy died when I was in college.

13. Do you curse a lot?
Only when I get really angry. The cowgirl comes out then.

14. What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
hit the snooze bar, and watch the news before I get out of bed

15. What's your favorite season?
Summer, Spring and Autumn.

16. Have you been on a date in the last 2 weeks?
Depends on your defination of a "date". Apparently, different people have different definations.

17. Are chuck norris jokes funny?
Hysterical. Especially in a room full of drunk Episcopalians, right, Bob?

18. What's your favorite food?
Buffalo Chicken, in any form. Shepherd's Pie. Irish rashers.

19. What's the last movie you saw in the theater?
Atonement (amazing!!), August Rush, Enchanted, Sweeney Todd (phenomenal!!!)

20. Can you live without the computer?
as long as I have my Palm, I'm good.

21. Do you hide your emotions?

22. What is your favorite movie?
Gone With the Wind. Pride and Prejudice (BBC version). Breakfast Club. Sixteen Candles.

23. Do you like chick flicks?

24.When was the last time you got flowers?
umm...I think it was on my 30th birthday.

25. Who was the last person you were in a moving vehicle with?
the family

26. Best kind of pizza?
Buffalo chicken.

27. Would you take care of your friends while they're sick?
of course

28. What was the last CD you purchased?
Physical cd? I believe it was Nirvana's Greatest Hits, the Enchanted Soundtrack, and the new David Crowder Band.

31. What is a band/singer you will always love?
New Kids on the Block, David Crowder, Chris Tomlin, Chris LeDoux, Rich Mullins

32. Have you ever watched a movie drunk?
I've never been that would be no.

33. Do you wish at 11:11?

34. Do you have any piercings?
not anymore. My ears ripped out during my sophomore year of high school while I was in the Miss Teen of Illinois pageant.

35. Last person you hugged?
church Sunday: you Kara!!, Ernie, Clark, Sue.

36. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
the boat dock at LSBC

37. What are you wearing on your feet?
black leather boots

38. Who was the last person you laid in bed with?
Three year old Clayton - he doesn't like to go to sleep sometimes, so Randa has "to go to sleep" with him.

39. What is your natural hair color?
no clue. I was born blonde, I shall die blonde, and shall forever more be blonde.

40. How many people have you texted today?
just is his birthday, so I sent him a happy birthday text at 6:30 a.m.

41. Who was your last comment from?
on facebook...Joe Goldsberry...informing me that I must come to Italy to visit him.

42. What is your current conversation about?
no conversation right now.

43. Do you have a crush on someone?'
celebrity: Orlando Bloom, Colin Firth, Ben Miles, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Joe Cole (Chelsea FC)
non-celebrity: just one.............

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Return of a Poet

I have returned to writing poetry. Here is the latest.

For Him

Night is falling
And I’m all alone again
My heart cries out for you
Why did you vanish?

How much more of this can I take?
This up and down, hot and cold
Is tearing me apart inside
Do you even comprehend?

Your behavior is a conundrum to me
I don’t understand the things you do
The things you say, the things you don’t
Why is it that you communicate in riddles?

Tonight I watch as the rains deluge
The winds howl, the thunder rages
But it is not as tumultuous as my soul
What can I do to calm the storm inside?

Your words are like raindrops on the desert cactus
I soak them up and hold them close inside of me
This silence is a drought for my heart
How much longer will this drought continue?

Once I played in the rain, in the storm
I long for a perfect rain storm outside
To calm the storm that rages inside
How do I make the rains come again?


Sometimes I think that I don’t even know you
Yet at other times I feel closer to you than anyone
The paradoxical aspects of you confuse me
Will I ever get to see the real you?

I need a sign to show me the path to take
Because I can’t travel down this road I’m on any longer
This road of heartache and hurt, ecstasy and hope
Can you pick the road we’re supposed to be on?

I can’t come to grips with the hurt anymore
Albeit unintentional, you don’t know what you’ve done
So tonight I implore with you with all of my heart
Please bring to an end the hurt, and just simply love me?

For J.R.

For J.R. I still miss you, my friend.

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can't believe you're gone

It ain't fair, you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today

Would you see the world?
Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family?
I wonder, what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky's so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazy

It ain't fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know I'll see you again someday

Sunday, January 6, 2008


I don't know which hurts worse right now: my knee, my head, my neck or my heart.

Please, God, take this pain away. I'm giving it all up to You. Heal my head, my knee, my neck, and most of all, heal my heart. It can't take much more of this. Help me. Please. I'm crying out to You with everything I have left in me. Take it all away.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

About Last Night

Last night, I was in a car accident. I was sitting on the corner of Fayette and Chatham, waiting to turn onto Fayette when this kid in a white car rear-ended me. I looked up in the rearview mirror, saw him approaching and actually thought, wow, it doesn’t look like he is slowing down, and as soon as the thought happened, I was hit at full speed. The kid didn’t even attempt to slow down.

I hit my head on the steering wheel, and my right knee on the dashboard, which than began to bleed. Police were called, and representatives from Springfield PD, Jerome and Leland Grove all showed up, and spent the first five minutes discussing whose jurisdiction the accident happened in. When it was decided that it was Springfield PD, I then sat in my car, bleeding, for what seemed like an eternity for them to fill out the paperwork before I could leave to go to the ER.

After I was free to go, my sister drove me to St. John’s ER, where I was x-rayed, examined, and told that I have whiplash, a head injury and a damaged knee. X-rays showed that the knee wasn’t broken, which is good. I was also given Viocidin for the pain, which I have never had before. Good stuff.

So today, I am at home, watching Gilmore Girls on DVD and taking lots of Viocidin for the massive pain that I am in. I am supposed to stay off of my knee for a while, and if my head doesn’t quit hurting, I may just rip it off.

If anyone is bored and wants to come visit me…feel free!! I will just be at home for the next few days in a drug-induced state and would love visitors! (and gifts, if you want…)

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Goodbye 2007, Hello 2008

So, this is the obligatory end of the year post.

This past year has been full of ups and downs. Here are the highlights:

*Lost my job at the daycare. As it turns out, it was a good thing. The stress of the daycare was getting to be way too much. I miss seeing the kids on a daily basis, though. But I still see the ones that I want to, such as Scott & Nathan (of course), Lucas, Mackenzie, Claire, Janie, and Ben. Christmas wasn’t the same this year without making a dozen handprint “holly” wreaths.

*Got a new job at the church. More money, benefits, better hours. I don’t have to worry about getting puked or pooped on. And, I get to use my degree for a change. The last few weeks have been incredibly busy and stressful, but now that Christmas is over, it should lighten up some. (Until the Lent/Easter season, which begins in 6 weeks).

*Went to Ireland, Scotland and England this summer. Life-changing trip. I am so proud to be Irish! Still can’t stop talking about my trip, it was that amazing. I am now ordering food off of, drinking my body weight in Earl Gray tea, and redecorated my living room in the English Manor style. Oh, and I met Orlando Bloom. Really, can’t find a negative to the trip…outside of the flight home. And the roads, which were incredibly narrow and scary to drive on.

*Love life is full of ups and downs. Men suck. I just don’t understand why they do the things they do sometimes. I need an owners’ manual. Or, maybe I should just start following the advice of my dear friend Joe, which is to throw rocks at them. And that they are all gay. I am ready to start throwing rocks at their heads. I am that frustrated!!

*Camp this year was amazing. It was the best of times, and it was the worst of times. Kids lives were changed. God was glorified. Oh, and I had the most incidents reported to the Regional office than any other camp that summer. My counselors and staff were great. Couldn’t ask for better. Ok, so maybe if I could convince Zach Alvey that throwing lightening bugs into fans is not a good FOB activity, it would be better. I already have my theme picked out for next summer.

*The kids are growing up fast. Barrett is now 7½ and is playing every sport possible, and kicking butt at all of them. Ella Marie will be 6 in a week and is in kindergarten, which totally blows my mind. I remember taking care of her as an infant! Clayton is 3½ and is completely insane. He is constantly cracking me up! Nathan is almost 5, and is getting to be such a little man. Scott (my Punky) is 2 and is becoming more and more an imp each time I see him. A new Goebel was born in November, Conner David. He is such a cutie! Julie does good work. He doesn’t do much right now but sleep, poop, eat and spit up.

*I am now officially in my 30s. This past summer, I turned 31. It sometimes doesn’t feel like it. At times, I feel like I am just out of college, ready for life to begin, and at other times, it seems like high school and college were 1000 years ago. This May will be my 10 year college reunion. It doesn’t seem possible.

*Friends have gotten engaged, married, and had babies this past year. At times, I feel like my life is on pause, waiting for the play button to get pushed. At other times, I love being single, and being able to just be “Randa”.

So what’s in store for 2008? According to my horoscope in my British edition of Cosmo, the biggest changes in a quarter of a century will happen this year. Whether or not that happens, there are a few things that I would like to do by the end of the year. I don’t want to call them resolutions, because resolutions are usually broken. I’ll call them goals for the year instead:

*Lose 15 pounds. If I can do that, I’ll be close to my high school/college weight again.

*Organize my closet. It’s such a mess right now. I have a really cute little black Gap skirt that I have been looking for for the last three weeks and still can’t find it anywhere.

*Raise the bar at camp this summer. I am hoping to write two curriculums instead of one, with a separate curriculum for boys and girls. I hope I can pull it off.

*Date a boy. It’s simple for most people, but if you know me at all, you know how hard this is for me.

*Own a piece of Burberry. I wanted to get one while in London, but ran out of pounds. London’s an expensive place, and the exchange rate is crap right now for us.

Last night, for New Years, when I finally went to bed, I slipped a piece of mistletoe under my pillow. According to Irish tradition, if a young lady sleeps with mistletoe under her pillow on New Years, she will dream of her future husband. I did dream of someone last night….so I guess I’ll have to wait and see…….hmmm………