turning 32

My birthday is in 12 days. I'm going to be 32. For several reasons, this year I am not looking forward to it. Normally, I like birthdays. Not this year.

When I turned 30, I thought it was going to be hard, and it was a bit. But, I had a big "kid" party out at the park and invited all my kids, so it was good fun.

When I turned 31, I didn't even care. I left for Ireland the next day, and was so focused on the trip stuff that I didn't even have time to worry about turning 31.

But now, I'm 32. Nothing exciting is happening this year. I'm well established in my 30s now. But, what do I have to show for it? I graduated from college 10 years ago, and watched friends get married, have kids, etc., while I stayed single, with no hopes for getting married soon. Now, 10 years later....still watching friends get married, have kids, etc., and I'm still single with no hopes for getting married soon. While the idea of that didn't bother me when I was 22, at 32, it's much harder to handle. All I have found in the last 10 years is heartbreak and headaches, and the realization that everyone leaves me at some point because there's always someone that's "-er", i.e. smarter, prettier, taller, thinner, funnier, stronger, weaker, etc.

And quite frankly, I'm getting tired of it all. I'm tired of waiting for "life to begin". I'm tired of watching all of my friends do things that I long to do and haven't yet. I want to get married, have kids, have an "adult" life...not this one.

I am not looking forward to being 32. Who knew 32 would be the hardest one so far?